Life is somewhat good for once. I'm content, to say the least.

Makes me think something really dreadfully awful is going to happen because of it. Yay for pessimism!

I have nothing to write about on this journal, to be honest. I just got really sick of reading and rereading my angst shit on the front page, and I couldn't help to think that I'm probably not the only one who doesn't want to see that shit.

Mind you, life is still angsty and dramatic, mind you, and it's gotten much worse, if you were curious, from the last journal to now. I've just become too apathetic, and I don't feel like dealing with myself and confronting all the crap going through my head right now. It's too cluttered, my mind. To alleviate the pressure, I've been resorting to primitive tricks to take my mind off what is right in front of me each and every day and night. Sooo, my point is for those of you that know me IRL, no, I'm not any more perverted, immature, or depressed than usual. I'm just trying to not cope right now. I'm not ready to cope, so being more obnoxious than usual takes my mind off all this clutter.

ENOUGH ANGST. I will be uploading some yaoi smutty shit soon enough. :3 Yes, but boys, keep reading, because I'll also be uploading some femslash too, eventually. And maybe in some twist of fate, I'll upload some Akira/Vincent hetero smut. But the normal shit just isn't as entertaining as the slash and femslash.

I love how I got like, one comment on my awesome gorgeous picture. XD There really are reasons I don't draw. XD I'll keep the pen to NOTEBOOK PAPER, when I lose the lines and words, I lose everything. EPIC FAIL. <3

Another subject change, I'm listening to this really hot version of Dance Dance by FOB, and Patrick Stump sounds really gaspy in his singing, and it's freaking amazing. This version pwns the album version, kthxbye.

Literally, that's what I'm leaving you all with. <3

Lately, I've felt extremely empty. Even more so than usual, as if my life has just been sucked right out of me. Even my novel muse seems to be a bit melancholy. I mean it's not like something extravagantly shitty has occurred to force me back into my depression, and yet I feel like something extravagantly shitty did happen. I could say I blame it on this or that, but honestly, I don't even know. Sure, I'd say it could have something to do with the fact that I have no idea who any of my friends are anymore, considering the majority are throwing themselves at men, ditching me for other, more shiny friends, or both.

And maybe it is that. Who knows. In all honesty, it's really scary to sit down and really think to yourself..."Who are my real friends?" and it's even worse when only two come to mind. I have an abundance of acquaintances/friends, and a couple weeks ago, I'd say that I had enough real friends, but lately, I really doubt that. The girls that know even when I'm beaming and chatty something's wrong with me. The girls that when they ask me how I am, I smile and say "fantabulous", but they manage to pry it out of me. And they're the girls that when I have melt-downs at 2 in the morning, I know I can call, waking them up from a beautiful dream and they'll still be willing to listen to my incomprehensible blabber.

But the thing is, that I really thought without a doubt that I had both online and offline friends that were like this, and this hellish week has completely changed that opinion. I feel like in multiple friendships I give and give, and yet when I need support, they don't even want to talk. And I'm an arrogant woman, so me actually asking for support is nearly impossible. (It also sucks when a friend that you've known for like...what seems like ever doesn't even know something's wrong, and yet your ex boyfriend who you've known for a year knows something's wrong and pries it out of you.)

On top of that, I feel like I'm just spiraling out of control. Like I'm just climbing out, trying to see the sun, but all I see is the night. It's getting to the point where it feels impossible for me to truly be happy. I can smile, and laugh, and make all my usual sexual jokes, but all the while it's sucking my soul right out of me. I want to be happy, like nothing else, but I really just can't make myself anymore. And the whole facade thing only derails me more.

So, whatever. I'll manage somehow. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, god knows I've learned that lesson many a time before. Just gotta keep pushing alone, because when push comes to shove, all you got to lean on is you.

Start from 100% and subtract 1% for every action you have done. Submit your score of a virgin at life.

1. Smoked
2. Drank alcohol
3. Cried when someone died
4. Been drunk
5. Had sex
6. Been to a concert
7. gotten/given a handjob
8. gotten/given a blowjob
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.

@ 96%

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom
16. Cried at school
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking
19. Given or receieved a lap dance
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room

@ 91%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sexs house
23. Kissed a stranger
24. Hugged a stranger
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.

@ 87%

31. Played strip poker/darts.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.

@ 80%

41. Frenched kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

@ 74%

51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.

@ 71%

61. Avoided somebody
62. Been stalked
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

@ 65%

71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

@ 62%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore

@ 56%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped

50% Oh wow, that's hilarious. GO ME, A VIRGIN THAT'S ONLY 50% VIRGIN. This is a bit cracked up. AYA. DO THIS.

1. Choose a few of your own characters.
2. Make them answer the following questions

1. Esmire Lola Fae
2. Peon (As affectionately referred to by Dr. Isabella Dellacroix)
3. Mao (Isa) Giavelli
4. Zach Quintin

-----

How Old Are You?
Esmire: 29, oh god. So old!
Peon: 30. *Dies inside*
Isa: 19. HAHA. I beat all of you!
Zach: Except for me. 18.

Height?
Esmire: 5'0. Damn right. I'm a sexy shortie.
Peon: I'm a minor character in a short series that doesn't even have a real name!! And you expect me to know how tall I am!
Isa: 5'5
Zach: 5'11. I'm 2-0 in pwning all of you today.

You got any bad habits?
Esmire: Well, considering that my two best friends are oncologists, and I, myself am a doctor, smoking probably isn't one of my most attractive traits.
Peon: I left morphine out! I'm getting sued for malpractice!! Gah!
Isa: Nah. I'm perfect of course!
Zach: Does believing that Isa actually perfect count?

You a virgin?
Esmire: Oh hell no.
Peon: Seriously Marie. Come up with more on me. >____> *Coughyescough*
Isa: Nope!!
Zach: Contrary to popular belief, no, I'm not. (yes, even super geeks like me get laid. Be jealous.)

Who's your Mate/Spouse?
Esmire: Uhhh, that doesn't sound awkward at all. Well, I'm torn between James and Calista.
Peon: I lack one of those, considering in the first short story there were NO MEN in it. *Throws things at Marie*
Isa: I guess Zach, on and off maybe. Or the guys I hook up with to make him red with jealousy. *Cackles*
Zach: Isa in my dreams. Ohhh yeahh. (Marie: XD. I love you Zach!)

Have any kids?
Esmire: No!
Peon: I'M A FREAKING VIRGIN!
Isa: No?
Zach: I hope not.

Favorite Food?
Esmire: Haha, do James and Calista count? *Devious smile*
Peon: DRUGS. ...... No, not really. >_>
Isa: Italian! That's why I work at an Italian restaurant!
Zach: Whatever Isa cooks.

Favorite Ice Cream flavor?
Esmire: Chocolate, just like any other smart girl.
Peon: Vanilla! I like 'em white. (Yes, she just went there.)
Isa: Rocky road! Yeah!
Zach: Allergic! Yeah!...*dies*

Killed anyone?
Esmire: It's a fact of life, as a doctor I will eventually kill someone, just not yet.
Peon: Yes...that's why I'm being sued for malpractice.
Isa: I agree with the bi bitch. (Esmire)
Zach: NO. That's why I'm going into engineering, so I don't have to worry about any of that!

Hate anyone?
Esmire: Calista at times. And Seung Ri when she's being annoying.
Peon: People who sue me. (Only 1 person! I'm not that bad of a doctor!)
Isa: My brother Alex.
Zach: I like to keep my conscience clean.

Any secrets?
Esmire: I have (or will have, to be specific) a horrible illness, but I'll manage!
Peon: I didn't mean to leave the morphine there!...(Is ignoring questions now, and just rambling)
Isa: I lack self-confidence, so I belittle others. (Marie: It's okay, Isa. The first step to recovery is admitting you're weird!)
Zach: That I'm in love with Isa? Well...that's not much of a secret.

Love anyone?
Esmire: Back and forth between the British beauty, Calista Bloome, and that dude from Oncology. Seung Ri would murder me if she knew about the latter!
Peon: Nooo!
Isa: It's off and on when it comes to Zach.
Zach: Obviously, Isa. I love her unconditionally, completely. Though I wonder if we'll ever really be, and last too.

What is your job?
Esmire: Sexy doctor! I'm that infectious disease and immunology chick with the red eyes that you hear about all the time. <3
Peon: Doctor! I lack a specialty.
Isa: Italian restaurant A! Cook! Wooh!
Zach: I tutor little brats when I'm not at school.

Boy or girl?
Esmire: Well, my boobs tell me that I'm a girl. (And the obvious of course, *sexy wink*)
Peon: Girl!
Isa: Girl!
Zach: ...I'm the only one here with a y chromosome!!??

What do you do to relax?
Esmire: P-A-R-T-Y!
Peon: I never relax. I'm too spazzy, and Dr. Isabella always has me doing pointless things anywyas.
Isa: Piano baby!
Zach: Piano also. Or Calculus (yeah, he just said that, poor thing's a complete math nerd.)

Any hidden talents or something no one else knows about you?
Esmire: Something that no one knows about me? Well, if I told you, then people would know! And that's no good!!!
Peon: I'M STILL BEING SUED FOR MALPRACTICE! Damn it Marie! Write the second short story so I can stop being sued!!
Isa: Nobody ever expects that I can sing pretty good.
Zach: And no one ever expects that I play piano. Or do anything musical for that matter.

What color is your hair?
Esmire: Auburn, but when I'm trying to shock people with my eyes and skin, I dye it black.
Peon: Blond. Ugh. I'm actually very smart, by the way.
Isa: Plain ol' brown.
Zach: Black.

What's your sexual orientation?
Esmire: Have you seriously not figured it out yet? I'm bi. Veryyy bi.
Peon: Straight.
Isa: Straight!
Zach: Straight also. I follow the trend.

---

Okay, random blabla on what these characters are from.

Obviously, Isa and Zach are from Finding Tomorrow. By the 3rd or 4th chapter it gets pretty obvious that Zach like Isa, so I really didn't give too much away there.

Peon is from a short story series that starts with Funeral Days. She's actually a very minor character, who does all the test for the main physician, Dr. Isabella Dellacroix. Dr. Isabella always calls Peon...Peon, so that's just what she goes by, because, obviously, she's Isabella's peon, or pawn. I just think Peon's hilarious, because in the Malpractice Suit Peon is completely spazzing out the entire time.

Esmire, my last girl is the main character from a fanfiction I'm writing. I may or may not change some names and post it up here. My only hesitance is that I don't want to get flamed for the 4 OCs I added into the story. XDD Esmire cracks me up though, she's a doctor and she smokes, drinks and parties. I love her!

---RANDOM TAG---
=Marukomuru is a really good friend of mine, an awesome artist (for mature/perverted minds) and all around awesome.

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